the boobs at comcast

on august 4 joon called comcast and said, "i would like to transfer my service from my current address to a new address. i'm going to take my modem and whatnot with me, so all i need you to do is turn off the service at this address and turn on service at the new address. i'd like you to do both of those things on august 25." joon thought this was a highly reasonable and incredibly simple request.

joon was wrong.

the next day, joon tried to check her e-mail and found that her internet service had been shut off. she called comcast to see what was up, and they didn't know. joon said, "i called to transfer my service yesterday, but that wasn't supposed to be done until the end of the month. did someone turn off my internet service by mistake?" joon was put on hold for a long, long time, and was eventually told that no, that was not the problem (even though it TOTALLY WAS). she was told that her modem, which she had been using faithfully for the last two and a half years, was not registered with the internet provider, and that was the problem. so she and the "customer service" employee registered the modem, and that was not the problem. joon reconfigured all of her computer's network settings, as she was instructed to do by the boobs at comcast, and that was not the problem. comcast turned the fucking service back on. and that was just right.

a week went by with no blips or bloops or troubles of any sort, and then joon got a bill from comcast with a $100 "unreturned equipment" charge. "what on earth is this bullshit?" joon thought, and she called comcast to find out. joon explained to a different employee that she would like to transfer her service from her current address to a new address. she's going to take her modem and whatnot with her, and NOT return it, and all she needs them to (please for the love of christ) do is turn off the service at this address and turn on service at the new address. she said she would still like them to do both of those things on august 25, as she was previously told would be done, and even though joon still thought this was a highly reasonable and incredibly simple request, she was beginning to wonder if perhaps she was asking too much of these incompetent ninnies.

the new "service-free" representative told joon that her records showed that service had been turned off at the old address on august 1, which was of course nonsense, because joon had been using her service that very morning, many days after august 1. joon said no no no, that's not right at all, and tried to explain again about the shockingly complicated business of OFF at one address and ON at another on AUGUST 25. the boob at comcast said, "uh-huh," and told joon to ignore the bill, and everything would be sorted out by a supervisor that afternoon.

the next day joon tried to check her e-mail and found that her service had been shut off. joon said, "screw it. it's twelve more days," and she shut down her computer and read a book.

the next day, august 15, joon got a phone call at work. "hi, i'm from comcast," the caller said. "i'm outside your apartment, i'm here to turn on your service." "i'm sorry," joon said, "i'm at work. no one told me anyone was coming to turn on my service. in fact, what i was told was that no one would ever come to turn on my service, because i already have all the equipment i need. they were just supposed to switch it on and let me set it up myself. on august 25."

"oh, well, i'm here to turn on your service," the caller repeated. "will anyone be home soon?"

four capillaries in joon's right eye exploded. "no, no one will. are you in somerville?"

"no," the caller answered, "i'm in roslindale."

joon's left arm went numb. "i already have service in roslindale. or i did, until the boobs at comcast shut it off, again. but i'm moving in eleven days and i need the service transferred to somerville."

"um, i'm just a technician. you'll have to explain that to the boobs at comcast."

and so she shall. stay tuned for the next rockin' installment, "the shrieking bloodbath that befell the boobs at comcast."