monday punch-in-the-face blogging

ahhh, boston's channel 7 news team, bringing you nonstories in the form of overhyped, heart-stopping high alerts for as long as anyone i know can remember. my first and fondest memory of their brand of committed pseudoreporting is the segment they ran in early 2000 on the dangers of automatic doors, in which an elderly woman using a walker was assaulted in slow motion by a thuggish, hands-free sliding panel again and again and again; i laughed, i cried, i hurled a pillow at the television so hard i almost threw my shoulder out. i never thought they'd top it, but, masters of the trade as they are, i should have known i was mad to doubt them. because my descriptive skills fall short of those needed to accurately portray their most recent triumph, i'm going to let the work speak for itself.

ryan schulteis, mike boudo--this thud's for you.