stasis is a fiction.

anthropology
is the science of drawing
art from our ruins.





the defining moment in every relationship is that in which one or both parties suddenly realize that the situation they had believed themselves to be in is in fact an altogether different situation, and the individuals who created that initial situation no longer exist. it can come about for any number of reasons, or it may never happen at all, but until it does, until you look at each other and say, "wait," and then carry on...

until that happens neither of you can count on anything. so don't be so fucking stubborn. this is a good thing, i swear. this is how you and your parents learn to see each other as unique adults and blurry mimeographs at the same time. this is how you and your best friend understand that you can't always be each other's left arm, and understanding that allows you to stay best friends for the rest of your lives. this is how you and your wife realize that you are hurting each other so terribly by trying to force yourselves to believe that you still want the same things, or could.

change is. sometimes the only way to continue to love a person is to disentangle yourselves from each other and reintroduce yourselves, and move from there. sometimes it's just time to admit that love has become an unaskable question. there is no way to ensure you and the people you love changing in all the same directions, however hard you try.

this isn't pointed at anyone. listen. a few weeks ago my roommate talked to the girl who is the one person to ever see me being nothing but myself. we finished each other's sentences without either of us ever speaking a word. it was a perfect thing, for a while. but what began to happen was, we stopped growing on our own and started growing around each other, into each other. she stopped knowing who she was. i started trying to keep myself from knowing. when she suddenly stopped speaking to me, i didn't put up a fight. it was time. we had both known it. but if we had admitted it six, eight months sooner . . . well, maybe now when she ran into matty she'd ask him to tell me that she says hello. because it isn't admitting that you're different that's dangerous; it's assuming that that means you're over, when maybe you don't have to be. it's just evolution on a micromanagement scale. if you listen to everything all the time, you'll know which note comes next. what you can't do is hurl your instrument across the room every time it makes a sound that's off-key, because maybe the rest of the measure would have put that sharp into perspective.

i don't know what i'm saying. i'm sorry. it happens sometimes.