tag has always been my worst athletic event . . .

. . . as i'm a poor distance runner and relatively unenthusiastic about any sport that doesn't involve hitting things rather hard. (in my experience, while tag can potentially involve a decent amount of force, most people would prefer it didn't. sallies.) so i started off at a disadvantage, and when you add to that the fact that i was practically asleep when the rest of the players started darting around you'll understand how unfairly fish-in-a-barrel things were. anyhow, i've been snagged by phila and drawn into one of these never-ending web webs of getting-to-know-you goodness, and while i'm touched that he would choose me, especially since he's one of my favorite faceless friends, i don't exactly live for the spotlight. but he asked nicely, and i didn't have too much better to do, so i'll suck it up and talk all about me for a minute or two.

seven things to do before i die

1. have a job i love every aspect of
2. scuba dive with sharks—maybe in a cage, maybe not
3. finish the life-sucking story i've been trying to write for the past six years, and feel good about it when i'm done
4. remember and acknowledge the birthdays of every person i care about for an entire year
5. move to some place where i won't feel guilty about having a big, goofy, boisterous labrador retriever, and then get three of them
6. convince one person that homeostasis is inevitably more important than self-gratification, no matter what the situation
7. find out where my recycling actually goes

seven things i can not do

1. ride a bicycle
2. play the piano with both hands
3. think about milk without making a face
4. not gasp (at best) or shriek (at worst) at the sight of a centipede or millipede, even when they're only cartoons
5. envision the amount of trash produced worldwide in a single day
6. stop wanting to wallop bush, cheney, santorum, stevens, etc. with orange-filled socks (see, phila, i'm not so even-tempered as you thought)
7. abide hypocrisy

seven things that attract me to . . . chester

1. his musical talent
2. his deep thoughts about solitude
3. his absolute freedom from self-consciousness
4. the snail costume he wears to his job at the pet store, where he cleans the fish tanks from the inside with his great suction
5. his boundless, ecstatic enthusiasm
6. his disarming lack of any and all ulterior motives
7. the cereal in his pocket

seven things i say most often

1. "hello, babies!"—spoken every time i walk into the nuclear medicine cat ward at work, and every time i come home to the psychiatric cat ward in my bedroom
2. "fucking w."
3. "who watches this crap?"
4. "who eats this crap?"
5. "no, no, don't! don't wake up with the king! he'll eat your soul!"
6. "juniper! you're my enemy."
7. "coffee . . ."

seven books that i love

1. the little prince – antoine de saint-exupéry
2. the sound and the fury – william faulkner
3. everything is illuminated – jonathan safran foer
4. the world of pooh – a. a. milne
5. fillerbunny – jhonen vasquez
6. alice's adventures in wonderland – lewis carroll
7. jesus saves – darcey steinke, and because i'm a sucky cheater i can't not include lolita. there.

seven movies that i watch over and over again

1. i *heart* huckabees
2. swimming to cambodia
3. the purple rose of cairo
4. the princess and the warrior
5. happiness
6. bloodsucking freaks
7. ponette

seven people i want to join in, too

are you kidding me? i don't think i even know seven people. here, i'll tell you what: i'll leave this one open, and anyone who wants to play can go ahead and do so. i know we're not all big on the games.