tuesday half-assed blogging: the "things joon digs" issue

1. smart car!!!!! these suffocatingly adorable little critters were all over italy, and every time i saw one i wanted to run up and hug it. i held myself in check, mostly, but i did stroke a few lovingly on my way past. we couldn't understand why they weren't equally prevalent in the states, even taking into account the burning capitalist desire for military-grade recreational vehicles. turns out the real roadblock (heh heh) was bringing the car up to code with u.s. safety regulations—but their time has come. here in new england, they'll only be sold in new hampshire, connecticut, and rhode island, but that's plenty close for me. of course, i'd never get rid of my electric kiwi ilsa; my baby neon has been a true friend to me through thick and thin, and smashed, and arrested. but nothing lasts forever, and maybe by the time she exhales her last fumes i'll have enough tucked away to buy a sparkly new pod. i think she'd want me to remarry.

2. crispin porter + bogusky, the masterminds behind the sometimes bewildering, frequently unsettling, and eternally genius tv spots for the most recent burger king ad campaign. i was traumatized by their insistence that i wake up with the king, but their newest commercial for the cheesy bacon whosywhatsit is the platonic ideal of 30-second media. it's positively haunting. now, i know you've seen it, and maybe you're thinking, "come on, juniper. that's bullshit. it's a dude riding another dude who's dressed up as a chicken. whatever, i don't think you and i can be friends anymore." but there's a world of difference between seeing this commercial and watching this commercial. i need you to let go of all of your preconceptions and demands about what constitutes art, and give yourself over to the experience. trust me, my darlings, it will not go unrewarded*. i notice something new every time.

3. chad vangaalen is the dreamiest thing to come out of canada since, um, well, i bet you can guess. there is no better boy than the d.i.y. indie rocker, and chad's got it going on, what with the 4-track self-recording and the video he put together on his own. he covers all the bases and then some, too, with songs that bounce from feedback-heavy garage rock to sweetly melodic plaints. he's part thom yorke, part sufjan stevens, part something no one else can touch; i have no idea what he looks like, but i'm pretty sure i'd marry him tomorrow regardless.

4. wonder showzen, which i am not linguistically nimble enough to describe. for anyone who lives for outré humor presented in striking and peculiar contexts, though, it's something you shouldn't have to live without. the first-season dvd set came out today, so if the web site leaves your mouth watering but you don't have the fortitude to sit awake all hours of the day and night hoping mtv2 will throw you a bone, pick it up and hide it from the kids.

and i'm awful sweet on you all, too. now go out and embrace the freak show.






* it will also not make you want a sandwich, but sometimes you sacrifice a little bit of function for form. like with bulldogs.

IT'S ALIIIIIVE!!!!!!!

oh, my muffins, my lovely little moppets, how i have missed you. i could tell you the loooong, tortuous tale of my extended absence, but here's what i'm thinking: all that's happened is done and gone, and i can't change it or fix it or maybe even understand it, so what the hell? let me tell you a few brief and sensible things instead.

1. my laptop done gone belly up on me, so i sent her away for a good talking to, and she came home without a thought in her head. the "repair shop" wiped the slate blanker than the presidiot's gaze at lecture on braneworlds being the key to additional dimensions, and i was so damn sad that i couldn't even stand to look at her for a while. but today i finished a murakami collection and ate a lot of tortilla chips and said, Suck it up, you sally, she's the amnesiac; give her a hand, for christ's sake. and so i did, and you know what? i think i love her even more than i did before. maybe a fresh start was the best thing for everyone. you can lose everything that you thought was worth saving and still be happy, as long as you have someone to talk to. and a little black cat gazing adoringly into your eyes doesn't sully the deal any.

2. i'm working part time for a medical publisher outside of boston, usually two days a week, whenever i'm not at the hospital. i've only been there for a super-short while, but they adore me, from what i hear, and are already giving me loads of stuff to do that i'd never have thought i knew how to do—but i do. what do you know? old bitches can learn all kinds of crap when they decide they want to. my advice to all of you college students out there, now that i know what i know, is take classes that are fun, not goal-oriented, because if you love yourself enough to let yourself be happy, you're going to wind up doing whatever you liked the most anyhow. when enough of those classes you liked add up to a major, then that's where you should be. don't live for the money, kids, and please, please, don't live for your mom's thwarted ambitions. she worked hard for you, yeah, but she did it 'cause she loved you, and that means she'll forgive you sooner than you think if you decide you want to whittle driftwood for a living. or whatever.

3. you can not live for one more day without the new silver jews album. you just can't. seriously, don't even try; you'll just seize up and gag on your own frothy tongue, and that's no way to go out.

4. maybe that person really isn't going to say anything. if it's so important, then you speak up. people have done far more dreadful things, and see that sky up there? it's the same one that's been busy not falling for billions and billions of years. (i am mostly giving myself very good advice right here, and i think we both know that i very seldom follow it . . . but maybe this time i'll find a way to turn it around without anyone getting punched or stranded at a train stop.)

5. last weekend when it was so warm i didn't even need a jacket, i drove an hour away and bought five new kinds of soap, and when i got home i opened them all up and sat on the front porch smelling them until i got sleepy. it was better than believing in faeries, and faeries are pretty sweet.

kisses, bunnies. it's good to be home.