it's not that i don't like you.

i wish i could leave
my uterus in a vault
'til it was useful.



so, forever.

someone accused me today of being ashamed of being human. it came at the end of a discussion about a number of things like global overpopulation and cultures dependent on monster conglomerates and the overall value of the space program, things that, on the whole, leave me somewhat dejected. the point i was attempting to make was that i don't believe any one life is solely about the individual organism living that life, that all life is about all life, and human beings are the things on this planet that make it hardest for the rest of the globe to keep itself going. i think we do more harm than good, and probably, objectively, everything else would be better off without us. i really do believe that. if some unstoppable virus wipes three-quarters of us out, well, it'll be because we threw the balance off so badly in the other direction that only something that drastic could begin to even the scales again. i like the idea of the scales being even. i'm a libra, i can't help it.

so, i'm ashamed of a lot of things that a lot of people do. but that's very different from being ashamed of being a person. my problem is that we have so much potential, and we can't get past ourselves enough to make any use of it. there's a best way for everything to ultimately work out, and it may not involve the ending you believed you were entitled to. get past it. none of us is the end of anything.

i love people. i love everything else, too. i don't feel a tremendous amount of blind loyalty to my species, maybe, but i don't know that it deserves more loyalty than the others. if you have good reasons for me to change my mind, please, tell me all about them. i'd be interested in finding a way to feel better about the state of things. meanwhile, i'm going to imagine ways to improve things. less people is one of them. i don't know what to tell you.