sweet.

keith olbermann just now on msnbc's countdown, regarding eight aquarium-raised dolphins that wound up in the bay off the gulfport coast of mississippi:

"handlers are ... hand-feeding them fish and antibiotics to build up their strength.... plans include teaching the dolphins to jump onto a float, and then towing the float to shore. keep teaching them, they might be able to learn to run FEMA."

yes! YES!!!!! the FEMA dolphins will save the nation! look, look how much more impressive their qualifications are than those of the current staff!

•How big is a dolphin's brain compared with a human's?
The brain of the bottlenose dolphin is considerably larger than the human brain. After all, the bottlenose dolphin can weigh several hundred pounds. Big animals have big brains. Killer whale brains weigh about 6 kilograms (over 13 pounds).

•Do dolphins send out a warning when there is danger close by?
Yes, some dolphins do appear to make warning sounds.

•Why does the dolphin's skin feel slimy and rubbery?
While the bottlenose dolphin's skin may feel rubbery, it certainly isn't slimy. Dolphins don't have skin glands. Dolphin skin grows rapidly and is very flexible. It helps with streamlining.

•Do dolphins have taste buds?
Yes, dolphins do have taste buds.

DO YOU SEE? they will use their superior brains to warn us of impending doom, and then they will swim victims to safety in a glandless, streamlined manner. there will be no mention of duct tape or dodged bullets when the dolphins are in charge, only soothing and information-laden clicks and whistles, and sometimes smelt. huzzah, olbermann! well played.

und dann: my very tiny cat is named ophelia and she has long since tired of the jokes being made at her expense, mostly by me. but she does appreciate this description:

"ophelia: not terrifyingly strong, but startlingly durable."

huzzah again, olbermann! my wee tempest is pleased; you shall live to be smarmy another day.