rock the boat! oh, whoops, i meant vote. hey, i just got that!

	elect juniper pearl!
	the test was negative!

ahhh, the crisp, invigorating autumn scent of election day, the valentine's day of debate-club champions and smarmy, toothy salesmen. today you have a golden opportunity to make a real difference in america, by voting--for me. for anything. governor, squirrel queen, pace car, keymaster, any and all positions are acceptable, as long as you make the effort to go out and vote. for me. and if not for me, then at least for someone who is not rick santorum.

when you're done voting, please join me at my victory party at the brookline booksmith. my campaign committee will be presenting a selection from the best american essays, which were also elected democratically by (two) americans. susan orlean will be delivering my acceptance speech, and, accordingly, i will ask that you direct all your applause to her. if you can find me (and it's unlikely that this will be the case; i am stealthy like the ninja. again, do not vote for santorum, as those who do so risk subjecting themselves to my crazy nunchaku onslaught) i will happily shake your hand or other object in a celebratory fashion. i promise that my hands will be clean, and, as you can see above, the same vow applies to my bill of health. by definition, anything that's written under the stars and stripes is a verifiable national slogan, so you have nothing to fear.

except santorum. so please vote. for me. of course, i am only one girl, and as much as i would love to, i can't do everything everywhere. i understand there are some other noble citizens who will be willing to step up and serve in the many roles i will regretfully be unable to fill once i assume my position as whatever you decide i ought to be, and if this is the case, i hope you have taken the time to hear them out and make a responsible decision regarding their merits. the future is bright, people. now soldier forth and plant your ballot-shaped flag in it.