earth to america: if i spare that city, what's in it for me?

it looks now like houston and galveston may avoid a direct hit, which is good, even though it'll take an awfully long time for any of the people who've been stuck in traffic for the past few days to see it that way. i think what those people need to understand is that the thing about planning is it's hypothetical. you never know where you stand until you've run a live drill, and you can not do that when you're talking about relocating entire cities. of course, if all you can offer is a plan then it should be the best possible plan, and we should still hold the leadership responsible for not coming anywhere close to that, but at least there's an up-side this time.

wait, what's--oh, snap! i spoke too soon.

Two communities that stood to bear the brunt of the storm were Port Arthur, a city of about 58,000 that is home to industries that include oil, shrimping and crawfishing; and Beaumont, a petrochemical, shipbuilding and port city of about 114,000.

Scores of petrochemical plants are situated along the Texas and Louisiana Gulf Coast in the nation's biggest concentration of oil refineries, and damage and disruptions caused by Rita could cause already-rising oil and gasoline prices to go even higher. Also, environmentalists warned of the possibility of a toxic spill.

and new orleans is flooding again, after parts of it had literally just been pumped dry, and the only casualties i know of resulting from the texan exodus were twenty-four people on a bus evacuating elderly patients whose oxygen tanks exploded after mechanical problems started a fire on the bus. it's like some crazy apocalyptic video game--SIMS: Death to America!

i read one news report quoting an american scientist who said it would be silly to blame rising temperatures for the recent rash of high-octane storms, because there was a similar cycle of storms early on in the twentieth century, so this is just part of a naturally repeating pattern. and then i read a different report quoting a british scientist who said he hoped that if america gained one thing from all of this it would be an appreciation of the extreme dangers of global warming, and most of the research he cited had been conducted by american scientists.

here's what i know: if, one day, you noticed a new freckle on your arm in a place where there had never before been a freckle, you might say, huh, look at that, and then forget about it. and that would be okay. but if, a week later, that freckle was a mole that was two shades darker than the original freckle, i doubt anyone would call you a hypochondriac for wanting a second opinion on it. in fact, most people would think it odd if you didn't consult someone. but let's say you chose to ignore it because when you were six you had discovered a large birthmark on the backside of your thigh that had turned out to be nothing; if, a few weeks after that, that new mole on your arm was surrounded by other moles of varying shapes and sizes and colors, and you still ignored it...

well, if i ignored it, my mother would come to my house crying, asking why i hated her so much that i was willing to let myself die of cancer just to get away from her. and you can think of me as your shrill, crazy, choked-up mother. this is a situation where it's probably in our best interests to assume the worst and take excessive precautions. this is a good planet, and we should take outstanding care of it. do you really want to colonize mars? have you seen mars? i, for one, would rather dedicate myself to making sure this planet has a chance. i don't know if we can cure it, but we can offer it a shot at a lengthy remission.

look at me, talking to a wall. how much toxic evil is about to be dumped into the gulf? and all anyone's crying about is the price of gasoline. i think everyone who has or wants a child should be in competition for the title of Most Hardcore Environmental Activist. i think it should be required that parents be that far-sighted.

i also think wooden clementine crates are an attractive and highly functional addition to any room, so what the hell do i know. congratulations galveston, congratulations houston, but if i hear one more person complaining about the congestion on the highway i'm going to blow that hurricane back on track myself.