friday celebrity-letter blogging

dear rick santorum,

for a long time, i, like many people, took your comments regarding a particular 2003 supreme court case to mean that you were opposed to homosexuality. it has since been made clear to me that you are in no way offended by homosexuality; rather, you are merely troubled by homosexual acts. the difference is plain, and i apologize for my error. now that the truth has come out, i would like to atone for my misjudgment by including you in gatherings that i would previously never have thought to make open to you.

my best friend and his boyfriend of three years are planning to get married in the spring, and he's asked me to give him away (if you knew them, you'd know there was never any question as to which of them would be the bride!). they've very kindly allowed me to add some names to the guest list, and i am cordially requesting your attendance. i assume that you'll have some free time once you've been relieved of your senatorial obligations, and i think it would do your heart a world of good to witness the sanctifying of such a deep, tender romance. their devotion is truly touching, and it would mean a great deal to all of us if you would join us in our celebration and allow this special love to touch you as well. there will be games and treats for the little ones, too, so please feel free to bring your children. your companion james dobson no longer acknowledges my correspondence, for reasons unknown to me, but i would be immensely grateful if you could get in touch with him after the ceremony to let him know that you saw it take place with your own eyes and, obviously, the earth has not been destroyed.

my best to pennsylvania's voters,

juniper pearl