the human mind: a riddle wrapped in an enigma buried under a pile of dirty laundry

i've never been too
good with names, but i remem-
ber faces. sometimes.
-primarily evan dando, who would seem to be better about the faces than me.





dear ben affleck,

i was a freshman or sophomore in college when "chasing amy" came out, so that was, oh, seven or eight years ago, i guess. i liked the movie a lot and have watched it numerous times since then, maybe as many as a dozen, as i have most of kevin smith's works. he rocks. well, duh, i mean, like you didn't know that. anyway, i've seen it a lot, and i've seen you a lot, because you're everywhere, and i know who you are, sometimes i even recognize your voice without looking at the screen.

here's the thing, though. man, this is weird. okay.

last night on E! there was this show about what hollywood has taught the public about sex, and one segment was introduced with the line, "before ben was chasing jennifer, he was 'chasing amy'." and i turned to my friend, who was watching the show with me, and i said,

"ben affleck wasn't in 'chasing amy'."

but there you were in the posters and posing for photographs on the night of the premiere and i was like, "who the hell was ben affleck in chasing amy?"

seriously, i had, like, no idea that that was you. isn't that wild? absolutely no idea. but then i came up with this theory, right? because i've always had this incredibly strong yet utterly baseless aversion to you as a human being, and i'm thinking that maybe between the isolated cluster of neurons that appears to have been devoted to watching that movie and the rest of my brain there was one feeble synapse, just functional enough for a vague shadowy breath of recognition to limp across. i never quite made the full connection, but every time i saw you in some setting not related to "chasing amy" i thought to myself,

christ, what a fucking douchebag.

it's crazy, man. brains, they're just, like, complex. unless you're really a douchebag, which is totally possible, and then i'm just a supergenius and i should work for the government rooting out spies.

so, tell jenny garner it's too bad elektra was such a flop, and i've never seen "alias", but it's probably okay, even if she is a bitch for dumping scott foley, 'cause he seems like such a sweetie. and tell matt damon that i'm superexcited about his next movie, whatever it is. all of his movies are good 'cause he's so awesome and talented. you should tell them this story, i bet they'd think it's wacko like jacko.

your unwitting fan,
joon