a halloween love story

let me tell you about my crush on haunted fafblog. it's big. first it was so big that i had to move it from its bowl into a ten-gallon terrarium, but it kept making sad bambi eyes at me so i kept giving it one more popcorn shrimp, and after a little while of things going on like that it was so much bigger that i had to move it into the bathtub. man, were my roommates ever hopping mad, but i said, "listen, roommates, i never pitched a whizzy when your parrot ate my favorite shoes/cd/chair/book or when your rotten cat peed on my favorite fuzzy orange bath mat, so suck it up; this here's my crush on haunted fafblog, and it's here to stay! you all can wash your hair in the kitchen sink, and while you're there you might think about doing some of those dishes. hmph."

WELL, today i went to check on my crush, and guess what? it told me, "joon! JOOOOOOOOOON! i'm too big for the bathtub, you have to take me to the harbor and set me free!" and i said, "but crush on haunted fafblog, i don't wanna set you free! i wanna keep you forever and ever and ever! besides, i already pissed off my roommates for you, and i'm too stubborn and bitchy to let them think they were right!" so i built a pool for my crush in the backyard, and when it gets hungry i put on my mexican wrestling mask and hold up the japanese restaurant down the street, and sometimes i make them throw in some avo-kyu maki for me, even though i shouldn't. but if it gets any bigger i really won't be able to keep it, so i need to put some distance between me and faf until after halloween. but you should check in with him, provided you aren't scared of having to feed your own monstrous amphibian crush, and maybe you can tell me how he's doing. but don't let me look, 'cause those poor sushi chefs are positively threadbare.