who's bored? I'M BORED!

things i got for christmas:

* a small shopping bag filled with tiny, deformed, enchanting pipe-cleaner chickens

* a call from a friend who has not returned any of my calls or e-mails in months and who needed to know what he should do about his cat, who he believed had a cactus spine lodged in the roof of his mouth

* my neighbor's mail

* my period

* a chance to spend an hour talking with my baby cousins about how house of leaves blew our freaking minds, leaving one of us unable to sleep without a light on for a week, two of us incapable of conversing sanely with other human beings for even longer than that, and all three of us wondering why we bother to try to talk to anyone or even put our shoes on the right feet when there are people in the world who can create things like that book out of nothing at all

* a video of my oldest cousin drinking beer with drew carey in an old nazi meeting hall in munich

* kitty vomit

* ashtray-scented tissue paper

* a torn, yellowed print of a love poem in a broken wooden frame, left between my storm and interior doors in the middle of the night by someone who must not know me at all and probably thought he or she was at someone else's house, since i haven't given my address to anyone besides my parents and my ex-roommate, who is out of the country

* a fleeting sense of guilt at not being able to do anything about the misdirected love poem

* a fleeting sense of terror at the idea of the love poem being from the mailman

* a migraine

things i did not get for christmas:

* cholera

* margarita glasses

* a shirt without a picture of a bird on it

* peanuts

* the respect of a peer

* a kitchen sink/counter devoid of dirty dishes

* excedrin

* a full night's sleep

* a blast wound

* scabies

* your heart--unless you are my mailman