year-end meme

the girl in camouflage recently posted an entry consisting of the first sentence of her first post for every month this year. she was disappointed in her results, and that's too bad, but i like the idea. it's like reading your diary to see if you've made any progress, which is something i always used to do when i kept a diary. sometimes i came away from it feeling pretty good, and sometimes i slammed the book shut while choking back a scream. as this crazy green monster is the closest thing to a journal in my world these days, i figured i'd give it a go and see where i stand. so here are my openings, in order from january to december:

best holiday album: the jingle cats' meowy christmas.

my instinct on this day is always to dive into an excoriating rant about the soul-crushing evil that is the talent vacuum known as andie macdowell, but the sun is shining and my cup of coffee is exactly the way i wanted it to be, and if this winter's temperatures are going to hover around 50ºF like they've been doing then i don't care if it goes on forever (i'm no less troubled by the unseasonable warmth than i was a few weeks ago, but if the weather were the same all year long i'd feel that things were balancing out), so instead i've chosen to paste together a collage in tribute to our nation's most fleetingly beloved rodent, the groundhog.

oh, my muffins, my lovely little moppets, how i have missed you.

oh, muffin.

not with the car, i hate the car; my heart belongs to the pinch.

yesterday i read in the local newspaper that chuck palahniuk would be visiting the brookline booksmith, one of my favorite local stores, to read from his new novel, haunted.

here's a quote from a june 9, 2006, interview that aired on book-tv sometime around 1:00 AM this morning, spoken by my glib hero/antagonist in reference to the new yorker's (apparently) eagerly polled readers: "ninety-nine percent of the people say they read the cartoons first, and the other one percent are lying."

on august 4 joon called comcast and said, "i would like to transfer my service from my current address to a new address. i'm going to take my modem and whatnot with me, so all i need you to do is turn off the service at this address and turn on service at the new address. i'd like you to do both of those things on august 25."

mcdonald's succumbs to hedgehogs' needs (associated press, september 1, 2006, 12:37 PM edt)

so, the move, as you may by now have surmised, was a success.

for months i have been frequently fleetingly befuddled by sony's ad campaign for its bravia flat-screen television, the tagline of said campaign being, "the world's first television for men and women™."

dear califone: thank you for making roots & crowns.

hmmm. that is unsatisfying. all i'm getting from it is that i like the word "muffin" and do not like many other people and things. and maybe that's all there is to know. but i bet i can make it a little more interesting, if not more revelatory.

on august 4 joon called comcast and said, "i would like to transfer my service from my current address to a new address. i'm going to take my modem and whatnot with me, so all i need you to do is turn off the service at this address and turn on service at the new address. i'd like you to do both of those things on august 25." my instinct on this day is always to dive into an excoriating rant about the soul-crushing evil that is the talent vacuum known as andie macdowell, but the sun is shining and my cup of coffee is exactly the way i wanted it to be, and if this winter's temperatures are going to hover around 50ºF like they've been doing then i don't care if it goes on forever (i'm no less troubled by the unseasonable warmth than i was a few weeks ago, but if the weather were the same all year long i'd feel that things were balancing out), so instead i've chosen to paste together a collage in tribute to our nation's most fleetingly beloved rodent, the groundhog. oh, muffin. mcdonald's succumbs to hedgehogs' needs.

dear califone: thank you for making roots & crowns. for months i have been frequently fleetingly befuddled by sony's ad campaign for its bravia flat-screen television, the tagline of said campaign being, "the world's first television for men and women™." yesterday i read in the local newspaper that chuck palahniuk would be visiting the brookline booksmith, one of my favorite local stores, to read from his new novel, haunted. not with the car, i hate the car; my heart belongs to the pinch.

best holiday album: the jingle cats' meowy christmas. oh, my muffins, my lovely little moppets, how i have missed you.

here's a quote from a june 9, 2006, interview that aired on book-tv sometime around 1:00 AM this morning, spoken by my glib hero/antagonist in reference to the new yorker's (apparently) eagerly polled readers: "ninety-nine percent of the people say they read the cartoons first, and the other one percent are lying."

so, the move, as you may by now have surmised, was a success.

there you have it. have i progressed? hardly. but my time-wasting abilities have improved at least forty-fold--and it's all thanks to you, loyal readers; it's all thanks to you. you've driven me to new heights of procrastinative ingenuity. without you and your enduring faithfulness, i might be compelled to write consistently good, sensible, meaningful posts about issues of depth and consequence. so pats on the head all around, my fluffy muffins. at the very least, you've helped me hone a skill: rejecting the notion of "skill."

and i love you for it, i swear; really i do. here's to onward and upward in '07.