pretentious hack dialogues: when you do [blank], i feel [blank]

i am a pretentious hack: hey, juniper. what's up?

juniper pearl: oh, nothin'. you know, work, whatever. blah. you?

iaaph: yeah, there hasn't been much of anything new here, either. actually, that's, um . . . [nervous sigh] i was kind of hoping we could talk about that.

jp: [in tone of strained nonchalance] oh, really? [averts eyes and picks at left thumbnail] what do you mean?

iaaph: [squares shoulders] listen, we've been together a long time, and i know we still care about each other a lot, but i think maybe we've reached a point where we've kind of started to take each other for granted. now, don't get upset yet, i know this is my fault, too. i set up a lot of deadlines and obligations for you without really asking you how you felt about them--but you didn't say anything about them, and i'm not the only person who expects you to meet them now--

jp: i know, i know, and i'm sorry, but i'm doing the best i can. you know how hard it's been for me to keep up with everything at work lately, and--

iaaph: i do know that, that's what i was trying to--

jp: i have to conduct a fair amount of research to come up with stuff to meet those deadlines with. i read and write all day, i don't always have the energy for it when i get home. [growing agitated] and i've been trying to cook more, so we don't have to lie awake at night trying to calculate how many plastic bread bags we'll have thrown away by the time we die, or wondering whether or not the girl who takes our order at the thai place down the street is telling the truth about there not being fish sauce in the drunken noodles--

iaaph: and i appreciate that, i really do, i just meant--

jp: and those things take a lot of time, you know? i mean, i'm just one girl, and you haven't exactly offered to help with those things. and you complain when i go out, but i do that for you, too, so i can talk about something, so we don't have to keep having all these small, negative discussions about the same old shit--

iaaph: joon, i don't--

jp: i mean, who the hell are you to get on my ass, anyway? that's completely unfair. i'm the one doing all the work around here--

iaaph: i added labels . . .

jp: i make sure the internet bill gets paid, i keep that stack of highlighted magazines in the corner like some kind of compulsive hoarding freak just in case i need to come up with a topic on short notice, i always have to be the one to start a conversation, and forget about intimacy--it's like you're not even there! and you're telling me that i'm not pulling my weight? you can't come down on me like that, you're just a blog--

[a stunned, heavy silence descends upon both parties]

iaaph: wow.

jp: i'm sorry. oh, god, i'm so sorry, i didn't mean that. it's just--sometimes i feel so overwhelmed, and when i try to talk to you about it you just sit there, waiting for me to impress you, and lately when you look at me like that, all blank and expectant, i can't think of anything to say.

iaaph: [subdued and tentative, eyes cast downward] i don't expect you to impress me.

jp: [quietly, after a pause] i think we both know that you do. [iaaph looks up; their eyes meet. both are tearful] but that's all right. i want to impress you. i want to be able to tell you a million amazing, moving, hilarious things, and i know we're not through yet, we're going to have those conversations, all of them, for years and years . . . but not every day. i'm in a weird place now, with my career and everything else, and i don't want to have to approach every new idea like it's assigned reading. sometimes i just want it to be information, like it is for everyone else. you want everything to be a thesis--

iaaph: i don't, i don't want that. it's true, when we met you did most of the talking, and you were funny and witty and curious, and you had all these ideas, and i guess i got used to that--but i know things are different now. still, though, i mean, i don't want to sound pushy or too needy, but you can't shut me out like you've been. if you aren't going to make a date, if i bring something up and you aren't interested or feel like you can't concentrate on it right then, you have to say so. you can't just walk by me like i don't even exist. i just want you to let me know what's happening with you, that's all. i mean, we're in this together . . . aren't we?

jp: yeah. [grasps approximate place on monitor where a hand might be, if iaaph had hands] yeah, we are.