greetings from the land of queasy disbelief!
that little dog sure
can dance. slap some chaps on him,
he's michael flatley.
the latest addition to my ever-expanding independent network lineup:
WHO'S THE ASSHOLE?
in each episode, jonathan antin, the surreal star of bravo's reality program blow out (who would like to emphasize to the viewing audience that he's "just hair") will compete against some hopeful individual. jonathan and his rival will both be followed around by camera crews twenty-four hours a day for one week, and at the end of that week all of the footage will be submitted to me. i will lock myself in a room with it and review it exhaustively in order to determine which contestant has made the most ridiculous, arrogant, outrageously obnoxious comments in the set time period. keep in mind that "most" will consider both quantity AND quality, meaning one monstrous jaw-dropper could outshine a hundred mildly egregious quotes. once i have made my decision, jonathan and potential asshole x will be brought to the screening room and asked to stand side by side facing the door. i will come out of the room and immediately punch one of them right in the face; that person will be declared THE ASSHOLE and will subsequently be presented with a gigantic platinum sphincter that can be mounted on the roof of his or her house like a satellite dish. my money's on jonathan ten to one under any circumstances, but i'm compiling a list of folks who i think might pose a commendable challenge. i can't release those names at this time, however, because i'm thinking this show will work best if the contestants don't have the world's clearest idea of what they're vying for. but, i mean, you never can tell.
speaking of ridiculous comments, it's time for a rousing round of "know your pope!" for fifty points and a "get out of eternal damnation free" card, which wacky pontiff made each of the following statements:
1. "human life, as a gift of god, is sacred and inviolable. for this reason procured abortion and euthanasia are...crimes which no human law can claim to legitimize."
2. "there may be a legitimate diversity of opinion even among catholics about waging war and applying the death penalty but not, however, with regard to abortion and euthanasia."
for the game, explain to me in twenty words or less how these quotes are, in fact, mutually exclusive.
can dance. slap some chaps on him,
he's michael flatley.
the latest addition to my ever-expanding independent network lineup:
WHO'S THE ASSHOLE?
in each episode, jonathan antin, the surreal star of bravo's reality program blow out (who would like to emphasize to the viewing audience that he's "just hair") will compete against some hopeful individual. jonathan and his rival will both be followed around by camera crews twenty-four hours a day for one week, and at the end of that week all of the footage will be submitted to me. i will lock myself in a room with it and review it exhaustively in order to determine which contestant has made the most ridiculous, arrogant, outrageously obnoxious comments in the set time period. keep in mind that "most" will consider both quantity AND quality, meaning one monstrous jaw-dropper could outshine a hundred mildly egregious quotes. once i have made my decision, jonathan and potential asshole x will be brought to the screening room and asked to stand side by side facing the door. i will come out of the room and immediately punch one of them right in the face; that person will be declared THE ASSHOLE and will subsequently be presented with a gigantic platinum sphincter that can be mounted on the roof of his or her house like a satellite dish. my money's on jonathan ten to one under any circumstances, but i'm compiling a list of folks who i think might pose a commendable challenge. i can't release those names at this time, however, because i'm thinking this show will work best if the contestants don't have the world's clearest idea of what they're vying for. but, i mean, you never can tell.
speaking of ridiculous comments, it's time for a rousing round of "know your pope!" for fifty points and a "get out of eternal damnation free" card, which wacky pontiff made each of the following statements:
1. "human life, as a gift of god, is sacred and inviolable. for this reason procured abortion and euthanasia are...crimes which no human law can claim to legitimize."
2. "there may be a legitimate diversity of opinion even among catholics about waging war and applying the death penalty but not, however, with regard to abortion and euthanasia."
for the game, explain to me in twenty words or less how these quotes are, in fact, mutually exclusive.
Labels: inventions, tv
posted by juniper pearl @ 8:14 PM
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